I would like to be able to write cheerful little stories about children, animals or nature. Unfortunately, I am going through very difficult times, have very sad thoughts and try to think about pleasant incidents of my childhood.
That does not work too well either as  you will  see presently.

My father owned a nice four story house in a pleasant neighborhood of Vienna. Being a good son with strong family ties,he put his parents on the top floor as well as a cousin and her husband. We lived on the third floor, one floor was rented to strangers and there was a large store on the street level where we sold toys and kitchen supplies  like the American Woolworth stores.

I was born in this house on the third floor, the youngest of four children. My siblings were quite a bit older than I.
They did not want to bother with me. I used to be a sad lonely child. Mother worked in the store my father traveled a great deal. I missed him terribly..He had a lovely tenor voice and would sing lullabyes to put me to sleep.

The most important figures in my early life were my uncle Sandor and his wife Julicka on the fourth floor. They were childless and we pretended that I was their very own little girl. I got all the affection I was starved for they played and sang with me and they took me to fun places , the Vienna Woods  The large Ferris Wheel in the Prater  vienna’s large amusement park With them I was happy.

My  father died very suddenly unexpectedly at the age of 52.  American doctors would have saved him. We had to leave our house and move to cheaper quarters on the outskirts of Vienna and so I lost my closeness to my beloved uncle and aunt.  I visited as often as I could.

Then Hitler took over Austria and we knew that no Jews would be safe under his regime. The german  airplanes darkened our skies and we listened to the voices of Hitler, Goebbels and  Goering  threatening the extinction of  the Jewish race. I knew I had to leave the country, run for my life.and with the help of my future husband I was able to  do so. I promised all the members of my remaining family, seeing me off at the railroad station that I would make every effort to bring them out as soon as I could
In order to get a visa one needed an American Sponsor to sign an affidavit which guarantees that the immigrant would not become a public charge. Then I had to take over the financial part of the upkeep.

I worked day jobs night jobs and weekend job to achieve as much as I could. Mother and sister came and my older brother was next . then I planned on uncle Sandor and aung Julicka. There I was stopped by my brother, his girlfriend was trapped in Vienna taking care of her younger brother who was handicapped. I had to help them first. Mother supported  the wishes of her favorit child very strongly and so I had to give in.

I received desperate letters from Vienna from uncle Sandor Gerta ,we loved you so much when you were our little girl why have you forgotten us, we need your help.
I had no more sponsors nor the means to support  them if they came. My guilt is tremenduous It has been haunting me for close to seventy years. I know that  they died in the gas chambers. I can never forgive myself for making such a fatal decision.  

Gerta Freeman